Deception and lies

     Everyone does it…tells those “little white lies” in hopes of sparing someone’s feelings or to cover their own butt. You know the “No your new hair cut isn’t bad, it looks good.” Or the “No I’m sure he likes you but he’s just in a weird spot right now.” I’ve been thinking a lot the last few days about dishonesty, stretching the truth and trust overall which makes me wonder a few things……..When do the little lies become not so little? How many of these does it take before you lose trust? And most importantly where do you draw the line and risk hurting feelings and suffer the consequences to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?

    I suppose the answers to these questions vary from person to person but I know personally I will always prefer the truth over a lie. For me I have a hard time understanding the point of lying. This is especially true when it comes to those who are closest to me. If my outfit makes me look like a back up dancer in a Lady Gaga video, I would like you to tell me and not let me leave the house. It’s quit clear to me that if I would rather hear the truth about the little things that the bigger stuff is most definitely worth hearing…..point blank.

   I know that with some truths you do risk getting people mad at you or hurting their feelings but sometimes these things need to happen for a person to see the bigger picture. If you are dating a lying, cheating, dirt bag and all the people around you are to scared to hurt your feelings and don’t tell you, you will be more hurt in the end that you never knew.

   This brings me to the last point, trust. I have always been big on trusting the people in my life until they give me a reason not to. When this happens I respond in one of two ways. If the trust was damaged in a smaller scale way, my guard is going to be up with this person. I will be sure not to allow myself to be in situations with them that put me into the position to have to trust in them. This smaller scale lack of trust may go back to normal but only in time, after they start to earn trust back. On the other side is the major scale break in trust. These are major lies and betrayals and in my mind there is only one way to handle these. Cut these people out completely. If someone is willing to throw you under a bus to benefit or profit in anyway they are untrustworthy and not people you need in your life.

    I know that the world is an imperfect place and I know that there will always be people that will choose the easy lie over the truth. I’m just asking that if you read this, you stop and think before you tell the lie. Think about the repercussions the lie could have, who it might hurt and how you would feel if the situation was reversed. Is it really worth it?

A clear conscious is the only way to a happy heart :)          

To text or not to text?

        The world today is so much different then it use to be. Everyone is always busy and on the go. To keep up with this shift in the times cells phones and social networking have taken on a large role in how we communicate with the rest of the world. We now have caller id, text messaging and IMs. With all these devices to communicate you are able to contact or be contacted at any time, any place, Well that is if you want to. Has the change in times and overload of technology actually made it easier for us to be lazy and rude to the people in our lives?

          I’m bringing this point up today because of a major pet peeve of my own. Knowing that it is easier now then ever to contact the people in my life I tend to get annoyed when I get no response back. Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying that when I hit send I expect people to drop whatever it is that they are doing to talk to me, but I do expect some sort of response when they are free just out of common courtesy.

          When I fall victim to the avoidant phone bandit my automatic response is to give up. Why should I continue to try and communicate with someone who does not want to talk to me? Seems like a pointless battle. Yes first time offenders are cut some slack but the constant dodgers just make me feel as though they are wasting my time. On the flip side of my response to the rude phone habits of others are those who become obsessed with getting a response. You know the ones who will send out twenty texts in an hour asking why you’re not responding. This is also not cool. Honestly this makes you look like a psycho stalker and I can no longer blame the person not responding for ignoring you…just saying!

          After much consideration on this issue I came up with some common phone courtesy guidelines. A do’s and don’ts if you will.

It is okay to not respond to a text or call under the following circumstances:

               1.     During an emergency

               2.    It’s after midnight and or you are sleeping

               3.    The person trying to contact you has been asked not to contact you ever again.

               4.    The person who is trying to contact you is pulling the obsessive behavior talked about earlier (ex twenty what’s wrong text in an hour)

               5.    The person trying to contact you is trying to start some form of drama

          I also think it’s only fair to also set the following rules if you are the victim of the phone dodging bandit.

1.     Do not obsess over the lack of response and under NO circumstances continuously keep dialing or texting….you look like a crazy person and no one wants to talk to crazy.

2.    Do not get really mad or sad. It’s not worth it.

3.    Allow the dodger a chance to explain if it comes up why they are dodging…they might have a good reason. (This does not mean you hunt them down and corner them for an explanation…that goes back to crazy.)

     In closing, if you are a dodging phone bandit…stop being lazy and upsetting the people in your life. You should be happy that people want to talk to you and you should give them the opportunity to do so. Not responding just because you are lazy is rude. If you get dodged yes you have the right to be annoyed but don’t be crazy it will do you no good. Brush it off and move on and talking to someone who values conversation with you.  

    

                  

The Big Gesture

    You walk into the room and everything suddenly goes still, everyone is watching but all you can see is him. He’s perfect and about to let you and the rest of the world know that you are all he sees and all he could ever want for the rest of his life…..he’s about to make the big gesture and do something daringly romantic to prove his love. It’s the perfect fairy tale and every girls dream…..but it’s not reality.

   I recently spent a day watching romantic comedies and found one similarity through out all of them…the big gesture. Anyone who has ever seen any romantic movie knows what I’m talking about. It’s that moment when the man wakes up and realizes that he can not live another day without her and rushes off to make her stay, usually after he lets her down in some way and comes close to losing her forever. In the movies it always works. He makes the big gesture and she falls into his arms and they kiss and live happily ever after. Are these movies and stories that we have been told our whole lives part to blame on our dating issues? Are all of us secretly waiting for the big gesture and holding on to unrealistic expectations of living happily ever after?

   My whole life I have been a hopeless romantic and suffer from the awe affect whenever the part of the movie gets to the big gesture. However I am also realistic and know that these things only exist in movies and novels. Is it however possible that many of us hold onto the way that a man should love us based on what we have been shown through these stories? How many women have had that big fight with their boyfriend and when he leaves expect him to come rushing back confessing his love and get let down when it doesn’t happen. How many of us have been guilty of criticizing a past love because he doesn’t show his affections in a big over the top kind of way? Is it possible that we see happily ever after as all sunny days and are too quick to give up at the first sight of rain?

   Don’t get me wrong I am not saying all women do these things nor am I saying that we should hold on to relationships that are clearly dead in the water. I’m also not saying we should settle. I’m just saying that life is not a fairytale and we can’t expect prince charming to be unflawed. We need to make our own stories and accept that happily ever after is not always going to be a walk in the park.

   I expect my prince charming will have his own flaws but I will love him not only despite of them but possibly even because of them. I don’t think he’s going to be society’s version of perfect but perfect for me. I see happily ever after as something that we will have to work at. I see bumps in the road, fights and times when it might not be easy. I also see us working through these times together and never giving up because it’s the easy thing to do.

   It’s not about big gestures and riding off into the sunset. It’s about finding someone who you want to wake up to in the morning and go to sleep with at night. It’s about letting go of unrealistic expectations and finding something real and right for you. Don’t let theses stories hold you back from your own happy ending. Life is what we make it and we control our destiny.